Too Far
by Fingersnaps
Summary: Another prank from Tony sees Tim take action that he comes to regret, and that has far reaching consequences.
1. Chapter 1

The door slammed shut and he threw his keys on the counter, bent down to take off Jethro's leash and automatically went to the cupboard for dog food, without even being aware of his actions he poured the food in Jethro's dish, put fresh water down and headed into his bedroom to change. They'd done it to him again, every time he thought he was gaining some respect, thought that they were finally treating him as an equal, they pulled something like this.

He'd opened his emails at work today to find a message from an online dating agency…he knew he shouldn't have opened it, sure he'd joined a couple of them at one time, but he'd opened up a personal email account purely for their messages; he's never, ever given out his work email. But still he had to open it.

A page of 'potential mates for Timothy McGee' was displayed, each and every one of them a convicted murderess. He glanced up quickly and could see Tony watching his every movement, and as Tim felt the heat rising in his face Tony burst out laughing.

"Thought it was about time you got back in the saddle McLonely Heart, so we selected some lovely ladies for you to choose from."

No prizes for guessing his partner in crime, Ziva's unbridled laughter echoed around the squad room. He felt sick, they honestly thought this was funny…he had to get out, in his haste to get to the men's room he didn't even notice that he'd brushed past Gibbs, narrowly avoiding spilling the precious coffee.

"What's with McGee, and what is so funny?"

Tony stifled a smile.

"We were simply trying to help our team mate get back into the dating arena Boss, doesn't look as if he approved of our choice."

Gibbs marched over to McGee's desk and took a quick look at the screen; there was no trace of amusement on his face as he turned to the two of them.

"You've gone too far this time DiNozzo, and Ziva; I'm surprised that you went along with this. Get those pictures off there before he comes back."

Gibbs toyed with the idea of following Tim, and telling him to ignore Tony's jackass behaviour, but he got a call from Ducky and after his visit to autopsy the incident in the squad room was way down on his list of priorities.

Tim splashed more cold water on his face and grabbed a paper towel, his hands were shaking…he was so angry, and not just angry; he was upset. He couldn't make light of what had happened with Amanda, he would never think of her as anything else…Oh he knew she'd only been with him because she wanted information, but he had felt something for her, and if his feelings had not been reciprocated, well it wasn't the first time that had happened in his woeful love life. But then to feel her warm blood on his hands as she breathed her last on that sidewalk, he couldn't laugh that off, nor could he find anything slightly amusing about the fact that she had been more than willing to kill him if she didn't get what she wanted. He thought he'd managed to hide his feelings pretty well, a light hearted comment about joining a monastery and everyone thought it was over. But his reaction today showed Tim that he was not over Amanda, not by a long way.

Finally feeling composed enough to face the others again; he walked back into the squad room. Gibbs was barking orders, and Tony and Ziva were grabbing back packs.

"Good of you to join us McGee! Ducky's autopsy shows that Commander Marsh's death was not a suicide – grab your gear!"

The rest of the day was spent gathering more physical evidence from Commander Marsh's home, interviewing neighbours and looking into phone and bank records. It didn't take long for a picture of marital discontent to emerge, and when Tim found a cell phone in Mrs Marsh's name on which she had made numerous calls to her gym instructor….Gibbs got them blaming each other for the murder, and they were locked up by 17.00.

Tim knew it was wrong of him, but he had been relieved that they had a big case today; he didn't think he would have been able to face a day in the office with Tony and Ziva smiling their sly secret smiles that they thought he couldn't see. At least out in the field and interrogation he didn't have to talk to them except about the case. He was glad when Gibbs told them to go home and finish their reports tomorrow. A rather chastened Tony put his hand on Tim's arm as he was leaving.

"Hey Tim, I…we, you know, it was just a joke man…"

Tim pulled his arm away.

"Not laughing here Tony."

Without another word he headed for the stairs and home.

His mood hadn't improved as he drove through the evening traffic, he did manage to make polite conversation with the dog-sitter when he collected Jethro.

"He's been out for a run Tim, should be tuckered out for the rest of the evening."

"Thanks Kym, but I don't think I ever remember Jethro saying no to another outing. See you tomorrow!"

Jethro seemed to sense Tim's mood, and his greeting was more effusive than usual. Tim managed a gentle laugh.

"Come on boy; let's get you home; before you smother me."

That brief moment of pleasure had faded again by the time he'd parked the car and walked up to his apartment, all he could think of was the dreaded prospect of facing them again tomorrow….He had no appetite, the way he was feeling supper was likely to choke him, so he made some fresh coffee and sat down at his typewriter; perhaps if he cleared his mind and concentrated on his writing he could erase the image of Ziva and Tony laughing.

Forty minutes later, all he had to show for his efforts was a pile of paper for shredding in the morning. He could feel the tension in his neck, and he knew that a headache was not far away, fresh air, that's what he needed.

"Come on Jethro, let's get out of here."

Tim grabbed his ipod, his keys; slipped on Jethro's leash and practically ran out of the apartment. The night was cool and clear, Tim flicked through the playlist on his ipod, he was looking for something that matched his mood; yes, that would do it; _Dear Agony _by Breaking Benjamin, he turned up the volume and matched his stride with Jethro as the dog pulled towards the local park. Tim took deep breaths of the cool night air as they strode along the sidewalk, the music filled his head, and for a time he could forget what had made him so angry.

He never heard the car, and he saw it too late. Jethro was pulled from his grasp as the car struck and Tim had a momentary glimpse of his still body before he was thrown against a wall. For what seemed like an eternity everything was still and silent, then Tim heard a whimper of pain, Jethro! He ran to his dog and knelt down on the ground beside him.

"Oh Jethro, I'm so sorry....."

He reached into his pocket for his phone, Jethro needed help. But his phone wasn't there...he'd left it behind when he high-tailed it out of the apartment.

"Are you okay?"

A Metro PD Officer was leaning over Tim. Someone had already reported a car being driven erratically and they had been despatched to intercept.

"We saw him jump the kerb, did he hit you?"

Tim was stroking Jethro and hadn't raised his head.

"No...not really, not me...my dog, he's hurt....it's bad I think."

"Let me look."

Officer Kramer knelt beside Tim, and winced as he heard the dog whimpering quietly, this looked really bad.

"Look sir, there's a veterinary hospital a few blocks from here, let me help you and we'll get the dog..."

"Jethro,"

"We'll get Jethro into the car and get him help as fast as we can."

This seemed to shake Tim from his lethargy and he helped the officer to lift Jethro very gently into the police car. It was thirty minutes later when the vet sat beside Tim in the waiting room.

"I'm sorry sir...Jethro's internal injuries are too severe, there's nothing we can do for him."

"No! No, please you have to do something, I have money, I can pay..."

"It's not a question of money; there really is nothing we can do, except..."

Tim was suddenly hopeful, but the Doctor Norton shook his head.

"All we can do is put an end to his suffering..."

He sat quietly beside Tim as he waited for the reality to filter through the denial.

"You mean...."

Doctor Norton nodded.

"I'm afraid so, but it is for the best, he could linger for several hours...and it would be kinder to end it now..."

"Can I see him?"

"Of course, if you would like, you can stay with him....it's a peaceful process..."

Tim considered for a moment, and nodded just once.

"I should be with him; it's because of me that he's here."

It wasn't the vet's place to ask questions, and the police officer who'd brought them in had simply said a car had hit the dog, he hadn't given details. Doctor Norton led Tim towards the surgery.

"Jethro is in there….I'll let you have a moment alone…."

Tim stumbled a little when he saw Jethro lying on the metal table; this antiseptic room was too much like Autopsy. Hesitantly he put out his hand to stroke behind Jethro's ears; two pain filled, deep brown eyes gazed up at him, and hurt as he was Jethro's tail wagged weakly. That nearly broke Tim's heart.

Dr Norton entered the surgery carrying a syringe resting on a stainless steel tray.

"Are you ready?"

Tim leaned down and whispered.

"I'm so sorry Jethro...I...I'll miss you...I'm sorry..."

From the corner of his eye Tim could see Dr Norton insert the syringe in Jethro's neck, and Tim continued to stroke him and whisper to him until he saw the pain leave Jethro's eyes and he was at peace. With tears rolling down his cheeks Tim tried to thank the vet...he needed several attempts before he could force out the words.

"You did all...you could Doctor...thank you for trying....the account...I should pay...who do I pay?"

"Don't worry about that now Mr McGee, we have your contact details, we'll be in touch in a few days...."

Tim was vaguely aware that he agreed to have Jethro cremated, and that he would collect the...remains at a later date. He turned down the receptionist's offer to call a cab for him, and walked out into the cold night air once more. He couldn't face the idea of an empty apartment, not right now; so he started to walk.....

One step in front of the other, it was a simple enough process, so how come it seemed to be so hard...walking with Jethro had been a joy, the dog found pleasure in everything, racing after a ball, snuffling through the undergrowth; running with other dogs at the dog park, and always his tail wagging. He had been such great company; always there for him at the end of a bad day; and now, he'd killed him. His stupid, pathetic anger had caused the death of his friend, the only friend who never laughed at him, who'd taught him to see the world in new ways; who had loved him unconditionally; and now he was alone...

He gave a loud sob as he realised the finality of what he had done; he'd allowed them to kill Jethro...he tried to stifle the sobs; if anyone else was on the street they would think he was a crazy guy. He needed to talk to someone; this was too hard to deal with alone. But he didn't have his cell, he'd stormed out of his apartment in such a rage that it had been left on his desk at home. Who would he call? Sarah was in the middle of exams, he couldn't add to her stress. Gibbs would probably laugh at his stupid sentimentality; Ducky had only just returned from speaking at a conference in Edinburgh, he'd still be jet-lagged. Tony or Ziva? No way! Give them another stick to beat him with....Abby; she'd hate him for letting Jethro die, heck, he hated himself. He'd been so mad that he hadn't been paying attention to traffic...if he'd seen the car, heard it....he could have pulled Jethro out of the way, but he had been so wrapped up in himself, and now...

He kept walking, slowly, ponderously step by step, anything to delay the return to an empty apartment, to Jethro's dishes on the kitchen floor… He couldn't cry any longer, the tears had run dry, but it hurt, like a dagger in his chest, the loss of his dog was painful....but as he continued his aimless walking, the thought occurred to him; maybe it wasn't just losing Jethro that hurt...Tim remembered hitting the wall, but he'd been so worried about Jethro that it never entered his mind that he could be injured. It was starting to hurt if he tried to take a deep breath, the cold air setting his lungs on fire...maybe it was time he was getting back home...time to call a cab. But when he looked around there was no traffic, no streets, his feet were wet...where was he?


	2. Chapter 2

Answer was, he didn't know...how could that happen? He couldn't remember which way he'd turned when he left the animal hospital, he'd been crying and the tears had blinded him. But he was pretty sure he should still be walking on sidewalks…but it was grass and dirt beneath his feet.

He tried to take a deep breath to still the rising panic and try to clear his head…the result of which was a stab of pain and a spasm of coughing, he leaned forward, hands on knees and tried to take stock of his situation…Think McGee, use those scouting skills you're so proud of. He looked up to the sky…the stars…he could use the stars…but there wasn't a single star to be seen, the sky was inky black.

Had he been walking in the same direction the whole time? He tried to picture a map of the area, he could work out where he should be, the math was easy…so why couldn't he do it? Because for all he knew he'd been walking round in circles…he really didn't have a clue where he was…he'd screwed up big style this time, he'd let Tony and Ziva get to him again, and it had been so easy…they knew exactly which buttons to press, and he couldn't help reacting, he should learn to ignore them. No, he shouldn't have to ignore them, they shouldn't do it…he didn't deserve their contempt, why did they treat him like an idiot? He stumbled slightly and gasped as the pain shot through his chest, this was not the time to think about his place on the team…on the edges of the team? He didn't know any more….he'd think about that at home, he needed to get home. Jethro would be wondering where he was…

He could see lights…his vision was blurred, but he knew there were lights, why couldn't he focus? There was water running into his eyes…rain…when had it started to rain? He raised his hand to wipe his face and a fresh spasm of pain gripped his chest. Should breathing be this hard? He didn't remember having to think about breathing before, it just happened...but now....what was wrong with him?

"Jethro!"

He shouted the name into the unforgiving night as the evening's events crowded into his head…Jethro was gone, the car…the wall…he'd hit pretty hard. It didn't hurt at the time, he was sure of that, then he saw Jethro, and he couldn't focus on anything else....but now...he took another shallow breath and started coughing.....

The lights....if he could get to the lights, he could get help. Because he needed help, he knew that now....this ache in his chest was getting worse....he turned towards the lights and carefully, slowly, he started to walk over the uneven ground. It was so dark...and the lights seemed so far away...he lost his footing and fell to the ground. He started to crawl…He told himself 'Get up McGee, keep moving.', but he couldn't...the lights seemed further away than ever…and he was cold…he couldn't move any more…if he rested for a minute, maybe he could get up…just a minute…but the minutes ticked by and the freezing rain beat down from a pitch black sky.

"Still no answer Boss."

Tony grinned at Ziva as he switched of his cell.

"He's going to be in so much trouble..."

They had called McGee several times and Gibbs' mood was deteriorating by the second. He hated any of his team to be late, particularly when he'd let them leave with work unfinished. He wanted those reports filed with the Director, and he wanted it done now! He picked up his phone to call McGee again when a Metro PD officer was escorted into the squad room. Something was wrong; he should have known McGee wouldn't be late for no reason.

Officer Kramer scanned the room.

"I'm looking for Special Agent McGee."

Tony laughed.

"Get in line...what's he done now? Had his Porsche clamped?"

"DiNozzo!"

"Shutting up!"

Gibbs stood up and shook Officer Kramer's hand.

"I'm Special Agent Gibbs, McGee is on my team; he should be here, but he's late, is there a problem?"

The officer handed Gibbs an envelope.

"I guess I can leave this with you, we found it at the scene of the accident last night."

Tony and Ziva were suddenly alert, and hurried over to Gibbs' desk. Gibbs asked.

"Accident? Is he hurt?"

"Oh no...But his dog was hurt bad....I wondered how they were doing."

Gibbs opened the envelope and took out a slightly cracked ipod.

"Did they take Je...the dog to a vet?"

"Yeah...I took them to the Silver Spring Animal Hospital."

"On it Boss!"

Tony was already getting the number.

"The accident, what happened?"

Gibbs had half an eye on Tony as he spoke to Officer Kramer.

"Drink driver hit the kerb and kept on going…bastard was so out of it he didn't even know he'd crashed."

"You arrested him?"

Kramer nodded his assent.

"You bet! My partner did the honours while I was with your man."

Tony put down the phone, his face grim and set.

"They couldn't save Jethro; they had to…you know…last night about 21.00 they said."

Ziva glanced nervously at Tim's desk.

"So where is McGee?"

"Tony, Ziva, get to his apartment, check he's not just catching up on lost sleep…Officer Kramer, thanks for returning this, we'll see he gets it."

They shook hands again and Kramer followed Ziva and Tony to the elevator.

Gibbs picked up his phone again.

"Abby, have you spoken to McGee lately?"

"Lately? I spoke to him at work yesterday, asked him if he wanted to go for lunch today....wait, isn't he here yet? He's always early."

She couldn't keep the note of worry out of her voice. Tim hadn't been right since that psycho Juliet threatened to kill him, and the lunch date was her chance to have a good talk about things.

"Gibbs, what aren't you telling me?"

She knew him too well.

"There was an accident last night, now before you start, as far as we know McGee is okay."

"As far as you know, what does that mean, why don't you know?"

"Abs, give me a minute and I'll explain."

"I'm coming up there!"

Before he could protest the connection had been severed, and he prepared to face the whirlwind that was worried Abby...

He heard her footsteps as she ran into the squad room; Abby's anxious gaze flicked around the room.

"He's still not here?"

"No Abs...Listen, last night Tim was walking Jethro....and a drink driver crashed onto the sidewalk....hit Jethro."

Her hand flew to her mouth.

"Jethro, he's hurt?"

Gibbs shook his head sadly.

"Worse than hurt Abs..."

"No..."

A single tear fell down her cheek, and she whispered.

"He was such a great dog...wait, you said Tim was with him, was he hurt? Is that why he's not here?"

The panic was rising; Gibbs took her hand, and in his calmest possible voice told her.

"The officer at the scene said he didn't think Tim was hurt, but he hasn't come in and we can't reach him by phone; so Ziva and Tony have gone to check his apartment."

She let go of his hand and started pacing up and down; the tears still glistening on her eyelashes…Gibbs knew how much she cared for his namesake.

"Abs…don't cry, Jethro was too badly hurt, they couldn't save him…"

She sighed deeply.

"Tim wouldn't let him suffer…and I…I'm really sad that Jethro's gone; but we have to find Tim, he needs us…he could be hurt…did you call the hospitals? You should call…"

He led her to Tim's desk and sat her down in his chair.

"Abs, for all we know he could be at home…maybe he couldn't sleep last night after…the accident. Let's wait for Tony to call."

Gibbs kissed the top of her head, hopeful that he'd calmed her fears a little. He checked his watch, they should be at Tim's apartment any minute now…let him be home, that's all I ask, let him be home….


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

But he wasn't home, Tony had called with the news that Gibbs had feared.

The apartment was empty, Tim's cell on the kitchen counter.

Abby was ready to go into panic overdrive, but Gibbs was determined to keep the situation as low-key as possible for as long as possible.

"Listen...there's no reason to think anything's wrong. Maybe McGee didn't want to go back to his apartment, he could have checked in to a hotel."

She beamed at him.

"That's it Gibbs! We should check his credit cards....I'll get on it."

And she was gone, leaving Gibbs to inform Director Vance that they could have a missing agent; and to get out a BOLO. With any luck it wouldn't be needed, McGee was sleeping in a hotel somewhere and would call in as soon as he woke up.

Tony picked up the dishes from the floor and poured the water into the sink, opened up the nearest cupboard and put the dishes inside.

"Why are you doing chores Tony?"

"Figured McGee won't want to see them when he gets home...let's get back...Gibbs will have a BOLO out by now."

They locked up the apartment and headed back to NCIS. Several blocks into their journey Ziva switched off her phone.

"The BOLO is done...Abby is tracking McGee's credit cards...Tony do you think? That email...McGee seemed..."

"Pissed..."

She glared at him.

"More than that...he seemed upset...perhaps...it was not so amusing after all,"

"Ya think Ziva?"

They travelled in silence for a while, the only sound in the car the rhythmic thudding of the wipers as they cleared the raindrops from the windshield.

As they were pulling into the parking lot Ziva asked.

"Tony, the email...I know you could not have put it all together yourself...to make it look so professional, did Abby help you?"

"Are you kidding me? Ever since that crazy assassin messed with McGee, she's been all...'poor Timmy, he's been hurt, I have to make him feel better.'"

"Perhaps she is correct."

But Ziva knew there was no perhaps about it, McGee had been hurt, and she had offered scant sympathy.

The squad room was a hive of activity when they returned....Vance had every available agent following up on possible sightings of McGee, but so far there was no positive lead. Gibbs had at last admitted it, if only to himself, he was worried....McGee was too conscientious an agent not to call in by now, even if he'd slept in. Gibbs checked the time again, although it was only minutes since he'd last looked, 09.40, and the last positive sighting of McGee had been around 21.00 last night. Where was he?

Ziva threw off her coat and checked her emails; perhaps he had sent her a message. Nothing, but why would he? She felt ashamed when she remembered laughing along with Tony yesterday. But Tony could be so persuasive, and he convinced her that McGee would 'see the funny side', but in truth there was no funny side.

She would apologise to him when he came back, he deserved that...

Tony flicked open his phone to check with Abby, then closed it again. If she had anything she would have called right away. He glanced at McGee's empty desk and pictured his face yesterday when he opened his emails. Shock, surprise, Tony was expecting that, but then he thought Tim would laugh, tell him he was such a child and they'd get on with things like always.

Only Tim's next expression had not been one of amusement, he'd looked…angry, really angry….I have to get away from you or I'll punch you in the mouth angry. And because he always tried to keep the peace, Tim had got away, Tony cringed inwardly as he recalled that accompanying him to the men's room Tim would have heard the laughter of his team mates…laughter at his expense…

The ring tone on Gibbs' phone broke his reverie.

"On my way Abs."

Tony and Ziva fell into step behind him as he ran for the stairs, too impatient to wait for the elevator. Abby was bouncing up and down when they got to the lab.

"His card….someone tried to use his card, but it was refused...local LEO's are already on the way."

She handed Gibbs a note with the address.

"Magruder's, Kemp Mill Shopping Center…go Gibbs, go find Tim!"

In record time Gibbs was parking the car beside a Montgomery County PD cruiser; they ran into Magruder's and were directed to the manager's office by a store security guard.

Two officers were standing watch over two young men; two currently very nervous young men…Gibbs flashed his ID.

"Special Agent Gibbs, NCIS."

The elder of the two officers shook his hand.

"Officer Gallear…despatch told us you were coming, we figured you'd want to ask these….gentlemen, some questions, we read them their rights…this here is Matt Horne and his buddy is Philip Cooke, here's the card....can you believe it, they were trying to buy booze...don't look old enough to be drinking do they?"

He handed Gibbs a small evidence bag containing McGee's Visa card. Gibbs took a step toward Matt and the young man cowered under the icy glare.

"Where did you get this?"

The ice wasn't only in Gibbs' eyes; it was in his voice too.

"I told him we should have left it, but…"

"Shut up Matt! You were happy to take…"

"Enough!"

Gibbs' shout silenced the argument.

"I said, where did you get this?"

Cooke shrugged his shoulders.

"No big deal man, just some drunk sleeping it off in the woods."

Tony thought for a second that Gibbs was going to hit Cooke; but instead Gibbs whispered very quietly.

"You are going to come with us and show us exactly where you found this 'drunk.' "

They walked out to the car with Horne protesting.

"Doubt if he'll still be there…when he woke up he probably staggered home, I mean it was pretty cold out last night."

Ziva snapped out the question.

"What time did you see him?"

The two exchanged guilty glances.

"Maybe midnight, or a little after…look, we live over in Loxford Terrace, and we were on our way back from a friend's house…we sometimes stop over in the park…to, you know have a smoke…nothing bad, just a little weed…that's when we saw him…"

"Ziva, call the EMTs, I want an ambulance on standby, just in case…"

As Gibbs barked out his orders, it started to dawn on the two youngsters that the guy they had seen was no drunk….three Federal Agents looking as concerned as these people did, had to be more than a bum sleeping off too much booze…

Gibbs signalled for Horne to go with Officer Gallear, and Cooke was unceremoniously bundled into the back of their car by Tony.

It was only a short ride from the shopping centre to the edge of Northwest Branch Park, but Tony was pretty sure it was a ride that Philip Cooke would never forget.

"At the end of this street, that's where we were walking."

Gibbs slammed on the brake and pulled open his door. Tony hauled Cooke from the car, the youngster was looking pretty green, the first taste of Gibbs' driving could do that to someone...and this time Gibbs had driven like a man possessed. He stared out across the rain swept parkland and without looking at Cooke, he demanded.

"Show me."

With a trembling hand Cooke pointed to a small group of shrubs nestling beside a stream.

"Down there, we thought he was sleeping there to keep out of the rain...look, we really thought he was drunk..."

Tony whispered in his ear.

"You'd better hope he got up and walked away Phil...Because if you think Gibbs looks mad now..."

With his sniper's vision Gibbs was sure he could see a shape, a human shape, a still human shape. Breaking into a run he called to Ziva.

"Get the EMTs here, now!"

Tony released Cooke and chased after Gibbs, dodging the bare, almost lifeless trees, then he could see what had set Gibbs running. He recognised that coat, drenched as it was, he knew...

"McGee!!"

Gibbs wasn't wasting any breath shouting, he fell to his knees beside the still form. His breath coming in ragged gasps, he tried to compose himself and took Tim's icy hand in his...get a pulse, he's not....no, I can't find a pulse....I have to...


	4. Chapter 4

Tony knelt down beside Gibbs; Tim was lying motionless, curled up in the foetal position, his wet coat clinging to his body like a second skin. His lips almost blue...his face white...so white...

"I can't find a pulse Tony....he's..."

Gibbs put down Tim's hand and allowed years of Marine training to take over...if it's hypothermia, the radial pulse is no good, he leaned over and put his fingers against Tim's neck.

He took a deep breath in an attempt to settle the sudden tremor in his hands; and prayed…Gibbs pressed his fingers to Tim's carotid artery and lifted his head to take in the two anxious faces staring down at McGee. Ziva's lips were moving, was she praying too? Tony's face was unreadable, but Gibbs was pretty sure there were tears on his cheeks along with the raindrops.

"Got it! Come on Tim, stay with us…help is on the way."

The piercing wail of an ambulance siren punctuated Gibbs' last statement.

"Tim! You hear that? They're here…hold on, please…Tony, go tell them it's hypothermia, they'll know what to do."

The EMTs did indeed know what to do; they got Tim into the ambulance, cut off his wet clothes, wrapped him in dry woollen blankets and finally an aluminium 'space' blanket, got him on oxygen, then whisked him away to Bethesda.

A small knot of spectators had appeared from the neighbourhood, eager to see what all the commotion was about. Gibbs wanted to scream at them, to send them scurrying back into their homes. He didn't want them seeing McGee like this…**he **didn't want to see one of his team like this; pale, lifeless, Gibbs had seen the livid bruise on Tim's chest as they cut off his clothes. Had that happened in the accident, or when Tim had fallen?

The ambulance disappeared round the corner and Gibbs rounded on Horne and Cooke who were being guarded by Officer Gallear.

"If my man…if he dies, I want these two charged with negligent homicide."

"But we thought…"

Gibbs was in their faces.

"I do not care what you thought, you left someone lying in the dirt; it was raining, cold…even if it had been a drunk he'd deserve better than that! You make me sick…Officer Gallear, get them out of my sight."

Tony stepped between Gibbs and the youths, he seriously wanted to crack heads, so he could only imagine how much greater that urge was for Gibbs.

"Boss, are we going to the hospital?"

Tony's question dragged Gibbs back from the threshold of rage…

"Yes…of course Tony, let's get away from this place…"

Gibbs handed the keys to Tony, and sat down in the passenger seat, he didn't trust himself to drive right now. As they pulled away Gibbs turned to take a last look at the desolate winter parkland. Tim hadn't been far from people's homes…not far from help…But at this time of year, on a day like this, lying so still in that brown overcoat…no one would have seen him until…If it hadn't been for those stupid kids literally tripping up over him, Tim could have died out there….

Gibbs could never really make sense of the next hours as the morning turned into afternoon, and the afternoon into evening. The hospital emergency room, then the ICU waiting room, a whirlwind meeting with Tim's parents before they were whisked away to be with their son. Sarah's tear-filled eyes matched by Abby's…they clung close to each other as they waited for news of Tim's condition; and when it came, it couldn't have been much worse.

Not only was Tim suffering from severe hypothermia, but he had two broken ribs which had caused a pulmonary contusion. He was being given warm intravenous fluids, they had him on a ventilator after he'd gone into cardiac arrest in the ER during the 'afterdrop' from his reheating…They had him stabilised now, but his condition was critical, and the doctors wouldn't allow any visitors other than immediate family…

Gibbs thought Abby was going to lose it when they were told, but Sarah promised to speak to her regularly; and Ducky gave her a loving hug,

"Abigail, we have to allow the medical team to do their job. Timothy needs total rest and quiet; constant toing and froing would be much too disruptive to his care…and you wouldn't want anything to hinder Timothy's recovery now would you?"

She gave a vigorous shake of her head.

"No! No Ducky…he has to have the best, the best of everything…I can wait…when he's awake, I can see him then."

Ducky kissed her cheek.

"That's the spirit my dear…we'll all see him then."

He pulled her close to him and held her tight, Gibbs just hoped that Tim would wake up…the phrase warm and dead wouldn't leave his mind. When they'd started to warm Tim, he had 'died' and only the skill of the team in the ER had kept him the right side of life. They could have lost him again…and this time for ever…

Tony crumpled the coffee cup in his hand and said to no one in particular.

"Not sure he'll want to see me…"

"And why would that be, Anthony?"

Tony shrugged, and looked sheepishly at Ducky and Abby.

"Because I'm a jerk, that's why…Yesterday…I sent an email, it was a joke, just trying to get Probie ready to go on another date…he's been pretty quiet after the Amanda situation, I though he needed a gentle nudge, you know, get him back in the saddle…"

Ducky shook his head sadly.

"Not everyone finds it easy to move from one relationship to another. Timothy may not have known Amanda for long, but she died in his arms. Her blood stained his clothes, whether she betrayed him or not, you don't forget something like that in a hurry."

Abby was aghast.

"What email? He never said anything to me…what did you do Tony?"

Hesitantly Tony gave her the details of his ill conceived prank; he glossed over Ziva's part in events, but she was having none of it.

"It was not only Tony who did this…I…I am ashamed to say that I found it amusing…that was very wrong of me…but McGee keeps to himself so much, I did not know how much he was hurting…"

Abby stood up and pointed at Ziva.

"Oh no you don't! You are not putting the blame on Tim for this…did either of you ask him how he felt. I know he doesn't talk much about his own feelings…but you could have asked…I was going to ask…I was just waiting for the right moment…"

The realisation that the right moment may never have arrived sent Abby into a fresh bout of tears. Gibbs took her hand.

"Come on Abs, time to go home…Sarah will call if there's any news."

For two days Tim hovered in that hinterland between life and death…his family never left his side, short breaks for a little sleep when exhaustion overtook them, and even shorter breaks for food were the only things that took them away from his bedside…On the third day Abby was trying to work in her lab, she found it hard to concentrate, but crime did not stop because Tim was so sick…

Her phone rang, caller ID showed Sarah McGee. Abby swallowed down her panic, this wasn't the scheduled time for Sarah to call.

"Abby! Abby are you there?"

"Yes…Sarah, what's wrong? I was expecting your call later…"

"Abby listen! Tim's awake!! He's a bit confused and they want him to stay in ICU for a little while, but he's awake Abby. Tim's going to be okay!!"

Abby almost dropped the phone as the news hit home.

"I have to get back to Tim Abby, but I'm sure he'll want to se you as soon as the doc says he can have visitors…I'll call you again later."

Abby stood in the middle of her lab, a broad smile on her face as the tears rolled unchecked down her cheeks…she would see him again, and she would help to make him feel better…

Late the next afternoon Abby was sitting at Tim's bedside waiting for him to wake up. The McGee's had finally agreed to leave the hospital, and were currently catching up on some well earned sleep. She held on tight to Tim's hand, it still seemed too cold…but the doctors were pleased with his progress, and she was happy to just sit watching him, and waiting.

The softest of whispers came from the figure on the bed.

"Abs…I…I killed Jethro."

She tightened the grip on his hand.

"No you did not Tim; some drunken idiot who should never have been behind the wheel of a car killed Jethro…and he almost…"

Abby swallowed hard as she looked at Tim's pale, drawn face…he looked so frail still, but at least he was talking now.

"But I didn't hear the car…my music…"

She gave a gentle laugh.

"I'm the last person to blame anyone for listening to loud music…."

His eyes filled with tears; he'd been expecting her to blame him, what he hadn't been expecting was empathy, and it unmanned him…

Abby reached up and stroked his face gently.

"You cry for Jethro Tim, but don't you dare take any responsibility for the accident…it was not your fault, are we clear Timmy?"

Tim smiled a slightly watery smile and nodded hesitantly. Abby wasn't sure she'd really got through to him, but she had time, she knew she could make him understand that he was guiltless.

What Abby didn't realise, what no one but Tim knew, was that he wasn't going back to NCIS. After years of taking all the hazing on the chin, of waiting for some real recognition of his contribution to the team, of hoping against hope that they would see him as an equal, he'd had enough…things were never going to change; he was done.


	5. Chapter 5

8

Gibbs couldn't believe what he was hearing. He'd been so relieved that Tim was on the mend, and that he was able to visit at last, but he'd never dreamt he would be listening to this bombshell.

"You're leaving NCIS?"

"I am Boss…I'm done here....I've tried everything I know how to earn your respect..."

"Now Tim, don't do anything hasty….give yourself time to think."

"Think? I've done nothing but think for days…not a lot else you can do tied up to machines…"

It had been a week since Tim's accident, and he was looking much more like his old self. He had been moved from ICU and was sitting up in bed, resting comfortably for the first time in days now that some of the monitors and tubes had been removed. He turned his head to Gibbs and he could see the glint of steel in Tim's eyes; he meant what he said.

"Seriously Tim, you've been through a lot...you should give yourself more time...I can talk to Tony."

Tim shook his head.

"There's no point, nothing's likely to change."

He carefully reached over to the table by his bed and picked up an envelope.

"Could you take this to Director Vance? I've asked for my resignation to take immediate effect...not going to be fit for duty for a while..."

Gibbs took the letter, but he didn't put it in his pocket.

"You're certain Tim? Once I give this to Vance, it can't be stopped."

"I'm certain...I want to be Timothy McGee again; not Probie or McGee...not McDoofus, or any of the other hundred and one nicknames Tony comes up with. I've been losing myself for a long time, and I guess getting lost for real made me see what was happening. I need to go somewhere new, make a fresh start...do you understand?"

Gibbs finally slipped the letter into his pocket.

"Fresh starts I understand Tim, but they don't always work out, look at me and Mexico..."

"I know that, but it's not working out for me at NCIS, so I don't have a lot to lose."

There had been the anticipated expressions of shock when Gibbs told the others; but nothing from Abby, she had been unnaturally quiet.

"Abs, did you know?"

She nodded.

"Tim told me yesterday...and I tried so hard to persuade him to stay; he's still hurting, and I'm sure deep down he wants to stay. But he won't change his mind Gibbs...he's really going..."

Tim tried to reach the water jug. He was restless tonight and he hoped that a drink of water would help him to settle again.

"Let me get that for you."

"Tony? What...it's the middle of the night, what are you doing here?"

"Come to check out the nurses!"

"Don't! Seriously, why are you here?"

Tony handed Tim a glass of water and helped him to take a drink.

"Seriously Tim...I don't want you to leave..."

Tim laughed aloud at that, but was overtaken by a fit of coughing. Tony grabbed the glass and anxiously waited for Tim to settle down.

"Do you need the doctor?

"No...just another...drink please..."

As Tim was carefully sipping from the glass Tony tried again.

"I mean it Tim...look...I know I've been stupid...beyond stupid..."

Almost as if he hadn't heard Tony, Tim whispered.

"I thought...when Ziva was gone, then...Somalia...I thought things were different...I thought you were treating me as an equal at last...but you even had to belittle what I did there..."

"I never..."

"Spending half the mission sleeping on the floor..."

"But I didn't mean anything by that."

"You know Tony, that actually makes it worse...now please, I'm really tired..."

**Three Weeks Later**

"Best of luck McGee…I hope everything works out for you…"

"Thanks Jimmy, I hope so too."

Jimmy tactfully found something to take up to Abby and left Tim to say his farewells to Doctor Mallard in private.

Tim walked over; arm outstretched to shake Ducky's hand, thought better of it and enveloped Ducky in a hug of which Abby would have been proud. When they separated they both had tears in their eyes.

"My dear boy…you're sure about this?"

"More sure than I've ever been about anything in a long time Ducky…if I stay…it would be more of the same old, same old. It's time to draw a line under that. But I'm going to miss you…I've learned so much listening to you…"

"And there I was thinking no one was paying attention."

Tim smiled and turned to go.

"I always pay attention Ducky, 'specially when someone with your amazing store of knowledge is prepared to share…Goodbye Ducky, it has been a real privilege to know you."

"The feeling is entirely mutual Timothy, and I hope this is au revoir and not goodbye…"

Tony stared at the box on Tim's desk, could a box have an accusatory look? If it could he was sure this one was staring at him, blaming him for McGee going. Tim had boxed up the personal items from his desk before anyone had arrived at work today, and now he was down in Autopsy seeing Ducky. Surely he wasn't going through with this? He'd come up here and tell them all it was a crazy joke…he wasn't going anywhere…

Tim took his time walking up the stairs, he was in no hurry to see them, but he didn't want to sneak out...It had been tough saying goodbye to Abby last night, she'd clung to him and begged him one last time to stay. His resolve had almost broken then, but he was determined, he needed to put some distance between himself and the team...time to stop thinking of them as the team. He was on his way to a new team now.

He smiled wryly as he neared the squad room. He wasn't quite getting away from NCIS; Vance had dangled in front of Tim the not inconsiderable carrot of working as part of the Office of Special Projects out on LA, with all their cool toys, and the opportunity to work undercover at last...Vance had found the offer that Tim couldn't refuse.

Tim had agreed to a six month temporary assignment, but he hadn't withdrawn his resignation...it was on hold ready for both parties to reassess the situation when the six months was up. He took a deep breath and pushed open the door.

They were standing, waiting by his desk...this was going to be harder than he thought; all the carefully rehearsed farewell phrases flew out of his mind as he neared his...no not his desk anymore...

He gave Ziva a kiss on the cheek, and she hugged him tight.

"Best of luck with the citizenship Ziva; and I meant what I said, we'll be lucky to have you."

And the saddest thing was that Ziva knew he really meant that, after all the times she had gone along with Tony's nonsense, he still wanted her to get what her heart desired.

"Tony..."

"Don't do this man, I can change..."

Tim shook Tony's hand, and gave a gentle shake of his head.

"You can't change Tony, not now...You're stuck in a time-warp with me as the gullible Probie. Time for a change, for all of us."

He turned to the last member of the trio.

"Boss, I...I want to thank you..."

"No Tim, don't thank me...I let you down...I should have stepped in...I knew what was going on, but I let it ride, I shouldn't have done that. I should have seen what it was doing to you."

"Maybe you should Bo...Gibbs; but I should have done more...stopped being a doormat long ago...but it was easier to let it happen...I should have learned in high school; that tactic doesn't work."

Gibbs picked up the box from Tim's desk.

"Let me take this for you."

"No thanks Gibbs, time to start doing things for myself."

Tim took the box and walked briskly towards the elevator...keep walking, don't look back...He got into the elevator and waved to them all...Gibbs called out.

"Hey Tim, if Callen gives you any trouble, you call me!"

Tim smiled, gave a final wave, and the doors closed. He was gone.

They stood for a moment, waiting for the doors to open again and for him to be standing there, but it didn't happen. Vance had been watching from the stairs, his face set and stern, his voice boomed across the squad room.

"Gibbs, DiNozzo, David, my office...now!"

They stood in front of Vance's desk, like students who'd been sent to the Principal's office after some misdemeanour.

"Do you have any idea how long it took me to persuade McGee not to walk out that door for good?"

But they couldn't know, after his release from Bethesda Tim had gone home to recuperate with his family, and he'd told them he didn't want to talk to anyone from work. He wanted time to himself, to come to terms with his life-changing decision; and deep down, he was worried that if he talked to them, he'd end up going back. So he cut himself off, a daily email exchange with Abby his only communication with the outside world. Until the day the McGee family defences were breached by an ex-Navy man taking a call from the Director of NCIS.

Vance continued.

"I thought I was running a Federal Agency, not some extension of a Frat House. Your team is…was, the best Gibbs, so I let you have some leeway to run it your way, and this is what happens! Probationary Agent David, if you are serious about your commitment to this Agency, I suggest you start to think for yourself; and maybe think about what McGee did to get you back."

Ziva had no answer to that…she had been thinking about little else since Gibbs had told them of McGee's resignation.

"As for you…"

Vance rounded on Tony.

"I cannot understand why my predecessor ever thought you were capable of running your own team."

"But...when Gibbs left…I did…"

"I have not given you permission to speak Special Agent DiNozzo. As far as I am concerned this whole team is on probation, your stupidity and inactivity nearly cost a young man his life, and almost lost this agency one of its finest agents. I will be watching your dealings with McGee's replacement with great interest, and Gibbs, I expect you to take real charge of your team, you do good work, but don't lose sight of the fact that sometimes 'your people' need more than a head slap. I'll have the files of potential replacements on your desk first thing tomorrow. I want a name by noon, you can go."

The next morning found Gibbs going through the files on potential replacements; the way Vance felt about his team right now this was no time for delay. Tim's empty desk left a gaping hole in the room, and Gibbs couldn't help thinking back to that heart-stopping moment when he couldn't find a pulse…he pictured again that sodden ground where Tim had been lying…so close to the freezing cold stream, if he'd slipped into that stream…Gibbs shuddered at the thought, they really would have lost him…Coffee, he needed coffee if he was going to get through these personnel files.

Twenty minutes later Gibbs was in the elevator, coffee in one hand, Caf-Pow in the other. Abby had barely spoken to any of them since Tim had declared his intention to go to LA, and Gibbs knew it was up to him to try and start mending fences,

He walked in to the wall of sound that surrounded Abby as she worked; she was at her desk, concentrating on the task in hand. He stepped towards her, and from the corner of his eye he saw it; just as he had seen it every day the last time the team had been separated. But this time taped to the refrigerator there was just one picture, a smiling Timothy McGee, and underneath a yellow Post-It note, and in the centre of that note in bold black marker pen…2...

THE END

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